Posts Tagged With: writing

Making Good Art – With a Vengeance

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Sorry for the radio silence.  This has been a week.  And not the good kind.  It started when Brian and I spent Sunday in the vet’s office with a very sick dog.  I was babysitting the pack of two for my mother when she was visiting in Nipomo. Spunky, golden Molly waddled out of the bushes Sunday morning, threw up on the red bricks of the patio twice, and then collapsed.  We spread a sheet in the back of our white Chevy Malibu and took her right in.  She’ll live, but she needed surgery for the plastic shards of the dental floss box that she ate, as well as all the floss that tangled in her tract.  She’s already been informed that she’s not allowed to eat weird things anymore.

Monday culminated in probably the worst rejection I’ve ever received.  My senior thesis will not be published.  The representatives from the journal were not just discouraging.  They were outright vitriolic.  They were mean-spirited and self-righteous in ways only academics can achieve.  I cried a few times.  I tried to figure out if it could be re-written.  Without the funds of the school behind me, additional research to do re-writes will be nigh impossible.  I don’t know any Deaf historians who would critique it for me, and I hate asking favors of even people I know.

I called it a day on non-fiction.  I read Neil Gaiman’s Make Good Art and was able to edit four chapters of my novel.  I realized how much I enjoyed being a historian again, if only for fifteen minutes or so, and how much I’d like to go to grad school.

Halloween opens at Disneyland today.  The new fiscal year starts in 2 weeks.  To say that I have been busy at work would be an understatement.  I have been running around frantically, arms full of costumes and fabric and shipping documents, and still failing to get a full third of all the things done.     At the second job, I still can’t figure out how to order office supplies.  I don’t have paperclips, or even a pair of scissors.  I have to go three buildings over if I need to use the copier.  I can’t get the temperamental data reporting system to work for me, either.

Brian read Clutter Busting by Brooks Palmer for book club at his church this week.  Then he made me read it too.  It’s been a good thing, but we spent most of our time this week talking about what is emotionally wrong with us that we have to collect all this stuff.  Clean out day is Sunday, and I have a feeling we’ll be trashing a lot of things.

I hope this weekend is better.  I don’t think I can take another week like the one I just lived through.  I’m charging on, though.  I’m making good art.

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Brown Birds and Journals

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Writers Keep Journals.  That’s what they tell me.  I don’t doubt the veracity of this claim, but I know that I am terrible at this.  They never seem to stick.  For a while, I kept an electronic version.  This was good when I was in school and almost always had my laptop with me.  It was more of an emotional dump space, though, and grew to become a 75 page document.  I had to go through later and edit the literary bits into a separate document so I could find them.  A teacher I had insisted that we keep a hard copy, and carry it with us always.  Inevitably, I wouldn’t transfer it from my school bag to my purse, or forget it for weeks as it mingled with my D&D books between games.  Sigh.

I’ve decided to try again.  I bought a red Moleskein, purse-sized, and so far have written nothing but a quote in it.  “Bury your body in the constellations.  ~Zen Proverb.”  I don’t know if this is really a Zen proverb, but Twitter says it is.  The internet is always right, right?

I went through my old hard copy the other day, a blue Moleskein – the inexpensive kind with the paper cover.  On the first page, I found an entry about a bird I saw when I parked in front of my grandfather’s house for breakfast one morning.  It was perched on my father’s car, a black Nisan Rogue.

It was one of those brown birds, small and speckled.  The kind that are everywhere, mobbing your at the National Mall in Washington DC, and hopping ever closer at the local café, always eyeing your french-fries.  It seemed to be in some sort of fight with its reflection in the passenger side mirror.  It perched with its feet tucked beneath the mirror, clinging as it puffed its feathers and pecked at the brown reflection, and then falling back as its feet failed to gain purchase on the plastic.  It’s wings fluttered, and it landed on the roof.  Then it hopped back to the mirror, fell back, and returned to the roof.  I watched it from my car, sweat trickling down my forehead.  It was determined to drive the interloper from its territory.  It kept hopping.  I smiled.

The clock on my dashboard read 9:08.  I was already overdue.  I watched the bird make a few more circuits, and then I opened my car door and walked into the house.  The bird was not there anymore when we came out to drive to breakfast.

Perhaps keeping a journal is worth it after all, hard as it is.  I don’t know that I would have remembered the fierce brown bird had I not wrote him down all those months ago.

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Winner!!!

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Today is the last day of Camp Nanowrimo July, and I am officially a WINNER!  That certificate is fancy, and such nice validation.  What’s also nice is that now I know I’m capable of editing a novel.  If I can get through draft two, I can push my way through draft ten or beyond.  I know I can.  (But hopefully it will never be thirty.  Shannon Hale really shouldn’t have told us that it took her thirty drafts to complete Goose Girl.  Talk about no end in sight…)

There is still plenty wrong with the novel.  I’m beginning to realize that you can’t just take it all in one fell swoop like you can with a short story.  There are too many words, and too many skeins to hold onto as you weave the story.  My first draft was messy.  It was missing chunks of things, it was full of textbook-like explanation, and it kept repeating itself.  The story arc is better now.  There are no chunks missing, and the repeats have been rearranged to appear in their proper place. 

I haven’t read this draft as a whole document yet, so I can’t put my finger on exactly what’s wrong.  I know immediately that something is, though.  I learned in my Novel class last semester that there are several differences between a Novel and a Novella.  A Novel is a story over 50,000 words, and a Novella is a story between 25,000 and 50,000 words.  Beyond just word count, a Novella usually has one main story line, and maybe one sub-plot (maybe).  There is not time to do justice to more.  A Novel usually has a main story line and up to five sub-plots, although two or three is more common.  Blue Gentian currently clocks in at about 45,000 words.  It has three sub-plots.  You see?  I already know I’m not doing the sub-plots justice, that there is a lot missing.  Next is to find out why, where, and how to fix it.  

Draft four will be for Character and dialogue.  Draft five will be to make sure the threading and symbolism is working.  Draft six will be for anything else that I feel I missed, up to and including editing for chapter length.  Chapters with action should be shorter.  They’ll feel like they’re moving faster. 

After draft six, I’ll show it to people.  Brian gets first dibs.  He is my most thorough critic, and best source of advice. I have a feeling my father would also like to read it.  Once I’ve done draft seven (or maybe eight), I’ll put it on Critique Circle.  Then I’ll write draft nine…  

It sounds like a long row to hoe, right?  It really does.  But 50,000 words looks like a far cry from 0 words on day one of Nano.  In small chunks after thirty days, though, it mostly looks impressive.  I plan to be very impressed with my novel once it’s done, too.  I’m confident I can do it.  After all, I already have draft two under my belt.  What’s a few more?  

(Holy crap, what did I just get myself into?)

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First World Problems

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I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately giving tips about what to write about in order to grow your blog audience.  I suppose I’m no expert, but I have found that there are a bunch out there that I vehemently disagree with.  This is one of them:

Don’t write about your first world problems.  Ok, I’m going to just say right now that I have no problems that AREN’T first world problems.  I live in an air-conditioned condo in Southern California.  My husband and I have two cars, two cats, supportive families, and eat regular meals.  We spent our summer vacation in Yosemite.  We have never gotten dysentery from the contaminated water supply.  We’ve never lost loved ones to treatable diseases.

If I can’t write about my first world problems, what am I supposed to write about?

I think what this person really means is “don’t be whiny.”  I agree that no one wants to read about how terrible your life is all the time, especially if you happen to be privileged as I am.  I don’t know if this writer just didn’t realize what they were saying, or doesn’t understand the definition of a first world problem, but they phrased it totally wrong.   While I realize that I’m a very lucky girl, I don’t think that my indoor plumbing makes me ineligible to comment on the imperfect world of American middle class suburbia.  Not all blogs are out there to solve world hunger.  Some are out there to say “isn’t it amazing to be an alive, quirky, imperfect human being? We share so much.”

World hunger is important.  So is unfettered expression.  Surely there is an audience for all of it on the internet.  Write about whatever you please.

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Camp Nanowrimo July

It is Camp Nanowrimo this month.  I wasn’t going to participate because I don’t need to write any more horrible first drafts of novels until this current one is in shape.  And then I realized that I have exactly 31 chapters that are unedited.  That’s one for every day in July. 

I am officially giving myself 1615 words for every chapter I complete, for a total of the traditional 50,000 by the end.   Thanks to my Logic final exam I’m a chapter behind.  But I can totally catch up and win.  Giving myself a deadline has made the novel much better behaved.  I think I whipped it into shape with this scheme, opposed a little discipline.  I’m feeling like the enforcer. 

Well, I was until this morning, anyway.  I’ve been in editing mode for so long that I’ve reached a chapter which needs to be added and I’m feeling really loathe to write anything from scratch.  Make stuff up?  Out of my own head?  But it’s so haa-ard.

Ok, I’ll stop whining now and put my hands back to the keyboard.  Must make word count!

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This should be easier

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Me: Why is writing a novel so hard?  It should be easier.  It should be possible for me to finish this.  I mean, people do it all the time, right?

Brian: Umm… actually no.

Me: Well some people do it all the time, right?

Brian: All the time? Maybe some people, but mostly – no.

Me: *sigh*

Shannon Hale, whose work I love, talks about Forrest Born as being the hardest book she ever had to write.  As difficult as it was, she felt like someone out there needed this book and she had to write it.  That conviction kept her struggling toward completion.

I realized today that, even if the world does not need my book, I need my book.  I’ll keep going, if only to make myself happy.  And that’s the only real reason to do anything to begin with.

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Searching…

Applying for jobs feels a bit like a betrayal. Disney has been good to me, and I thank them for four years of putting up with my insane school schedule; especially the semester I had to work mostly weekends and couldn’t talk to anyone in real life because I was always gone. That was a real pain. I’m applying for jobs anyway, though.

So, here I am. I’ve updated my resume. I’ve penned several cover letters. I have visions in my head of working at the college in my home town, just a few miles down the road from my house. I could buy a teal bike, a beach cruiser, with a giant wicker basket on the front and a bell. I could ride it to work every morning. My skirt would drape artfully over the pedals without danger of getting caught in the spokes.

I could be home at 5:15 every night. I would take off my fancy dress, put on my jeans, and make dinner barefoot in the kitchen. Brian could come home every night to a clean house (okay, cleaner house). I could wake up at 6:00am and write the morning away, cup of earl gray by my elbow. It would be so peaceful.

Why is it that things never end up exactly as we picture them? I’ve applied for the job, I’m crossing my fingers they call me. Now is just the waiting and the dreaming.

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Spring Slump

These last few weeks have been rather depressing, really. At least that’s how I feel in this immediate second. I know that I don’t really have much to complain about, and my current desire to whine is probably tied to the way my sleep-deprived brain functions on improbable amounts of sugar. Somehow that does not seem to help me feel any better.

People talk about winter as being the time when the blues set in, but for me it is usually the spring. Allergies attack, duties pile up. Before I know it, I am drowning in the desire to lay on the couch and watch embarrassing television for weeks. I consider this year a bit of a victory, because I didn’t completely sabotage my grades during the annual Spring Slump. It’s a small victory, but I’ll take it. I seem to be getting better at battling this with age.

I did a lot of writing this week that I was proud of; a piece on how feminism has failed me, and an impressive cover letter. The computer dumped them both. They don’t exist anywhere. I’ve re-created the cover letter, but I haven’t had the heart to re-create the other.

I shall close this out by resolving to get more sleep and be a cheerful girl tomorrow. Or as soon as I can.

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On Writing for Fame

They always say you shouldn’t write to be famous.  You should write because you need to and you can’t help yourself.  You should write because you have something to say.  You should write because you want to perfect your craft.  Never mind the money or the success.  Those are not likely to happen to you anyway, so you should love to write for loving it and not for reward.

While this is true, that without these things you will not succeed when life gets hard and that you will likely never become rich from your endeavor,  it is not the whole truth.  What is at the heart of wanting to write is wanting to share that writing with others.  It’s the desire that something from your imagination will touch the life of someone else.  This is not possible without a modicum of fame.  How can you share your rich inner life with others if no one is listening?  You cannot.  A writer needs readers to complete the cycle, the more readers the better.  It is impossible to seek readers without seeking this notoriety.

You must go into writing knowing that, if you are very, very lucky, you may be able to support yourself monetarily some day.  You must know that you will never become the next J. K. Rowling, reading your work at the Olympics opening ceremony.  You must also seek readers for your work unceasingly, even when all seems lost.  But I declare to you that the quest to become a writer and the quest for fame are intertwined.  There is no one without the other.

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Emer’s Diary

May 26, 1033

I went to the magic shop today, and the owner, Drand Oakenshield offered to rent me four hats of disguise if I put down a considerable deposit and had them back within 48 hours unharmed. I’ve been in there a couple of times since my first trip, mostly to drool at the items in the case, and we chat about the local happenings. It was good of him to do me this favor. I think with the hats and my spell of silence, we should get out of the university quite easily and completely pass for men once were at the races. It will be much less dangerous that way. The girls say that Madam Glerda is sound asleep by 10:30 every night, so we shall take our chances tomorrow evening!

 May 28, 1033

We had an epic time out last night. Truly, it was an evening for the poets and the song makers. Ananalie, Randa, and Smailey were the three that braved the city with me, and it was wonderful. We each adopted a teacher’s look to get out of the school, and then changed to four unknown youths, looking slightly like ourselves so we would recognize each other, but completely different at the same time.

We went to the Dog Racing first, at the arena two blocks from the university. The only women in the crowd were what Madam Samanda used to call “Working Girls”, suggestively attired, and hanging themselves across their man’s arm. The air was thick with cigar smoke, and the acrid smell of cheap beer and dog dung clung to everything. Smailey insisted on buying us all a beer, so we would look authentic and we settled down in the stands to watch. It was quite exciting, really. I could see how much more exiting it would be if you had money on the race, which of course none of us did. We cheered and yelled and slapped each other on the backs to our hearts content, like the crowd around us. The greyhounds were beautiful and lithe, racing around the track, and it could have been something I would have really enjoyed had the atmosphere been different. As it was, I had an exciting time.

When it came time to go to a tavern, they insisted on going to the Thirsty Zombie, the roughest one in town. We had dinner there at the bar, trying to keep our noses down, but looking around every once in a while to see what we could see. There was a man all in black who kept whispering things into his bag as he ate in the corner, and two small quick men who seemed to be everywhere at once, practically dimension dooring from this side of the room to the other. We decided to leave when a fight broke out near the door and the burly half-orc behind the counter had to break it up rather roughly, to the cheers and hollers of the other customers.

We were nearly caught sneaking back into the dorms. We had forgotten to switch ourselves back to teachers with the hats of disguise, and we just managed to duck into an empty classroom as Portho, the old door warden, did a midnight sweep of the halls. Other than that, our trip was quite successful. I hope the girls have the roaming spirit out of their hearts now. I don’t know if I have the desire to go again, though the first trip was all kinds of dangerous fun!

June 8, 1033

Today is the feast day of Corellian Lariethan, and it’s nice to be in a place that celebrates it again. At my home in the valley, where I lived with my parents, they always made much of this day. I almost feel like I’m back there and a child again, though it’s different. They have the marketplace festival, and the flags flying from many of the houses here, but you get the impression that it’s more about the excuse for a holiday than Corellian Lariethan himself. Still, it’s been a nice day. Annandale suspended classes (though he spent it in his office with the research books and not out in the city), and Lillias and I are planning to go dance in the square this evening. Any excuse to put on that burgundy dress is a good one!

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