Author Archives: caseykins

Daylight Savings

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I hate daylight savings with a passion.  I’m always tired that week, and the different light messes with my sensibilities.  It feels like I’ve been gypped out of a whole hour.  If we could just dispense with it, I would be a much happier camper. There is the inevitable changing of ALL THE CLOCKS in the house.  And we have plenty, because I think they’re decorative and neat.  I have to make sure that Brian hasn’t already turned them.  And then I have to remember that all of them exist.  Sometimes the one in my office and the one on the fireplace mantle don’t get changed for weeks.  But despite the fact that an hour of my life was sucked away, I still like this time of year the best.

The lighter days mean that I have more time to enjoy home.  Instead of pulling my car into the driveway of a dark house with only the porch light a beacon of yellow in the darkness, I get to march to my door in the daylight.  I can enjoy the little white flowers on my neighbor’s plum tree.  I can marvel at how much the grape vine has grown in the time I was away (seriously, it’s like inches every day.  The dime-sized leaves of last week are now closer to the size of the bottom of a water glass).  I can inspect the multiplying buds on the rose bushes.  We have pink roses in addition to the red ones, I found out. It’s amazing what a little rose food and weeding will do for them.

There was a bluebird in the yard this morning that I wouldn’t have seen if it had been an hour earlier.  He was surveying the weedy field that is currently my backyard.  He would twitch his head this way and that and swoop down into a thicket of green, his blue wings wide, decorated with racing stripes of gray and white.  He’d flit back to the fence, and munch on whatever it was he had pulled from the ground.  Then he’d do it again.

And then lighter days always meant summer was coming.  Summer was concerts in the park with a picnic on Mondays, fireworks and Sousa on the 4th of July, dollhouses in the dining room, swimming lessons, lazy days spent reading and doing nothing else, our vacation to Maine.  As an adult, I get the abbreviated version sometimes.  Tantalizing bits and pieces.  It still feels good.

When I was a kid, I never wore a watch.  I don’t know why, exactly.  I owned a watch, I just never wore one.  It never seemed to matter during the school year.  I was a slave to the school bell, or I could consult the classroom clock, or there was one in my mother’s car.  But during the summer, when I was out on my bicycle or frolicking at the park, I learned to tell time by the sun.  I was hardly ever more than 15 minutes off.  I can’t make it work in the dark days of winter. When the world is light, I have some semblance of the time again.  I’m usually closer to 30 minutes off these days.  Use it or lose it, I suppose.

So, Daylight Savings.  Blessing or curse?  I don’t really know.  I hate losing that hour, and adjusting to new times, and twirling clock nobs.  But I feel like the time change gives me back to myself.

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Weekly Round Up

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This week has kicked my butt.  I’m not exactly sick.  It’s like I never got to the “can’t get out of bed so I get to rest and watch terrible videos all day” stage.  I just went straight to the “mild headache, with mucus in Technicolor” stage.  I’ve been sucking it up and going to work anyway.  I took some Dayquil the first few days, but I forgot about Dayquil.  I always feel like I’m seeing out of too many eyes and my brain can’t quite make the links I want it to, even though it’s making most of them.  So now I’m just suffering in silence and drinking as much liquid as possible.  Hot tea for the win.  And I’m much better than I was on Monday.  I’m sure I’ll be fine soon.

I blame my misery on the weather.  I like the rain.  I like the sunshine.  But when the day swaps back and forth from pouring to shining, to pouring while shining, it does a number on my sinuses.  And it all happened mid-day, too, which meant no pretty rainbows to make up for it.

I have learned this week that there’s an award for the book with the oddest title each year.  Among those currently in the running are “Nature’s Nether Regions,” and “Divorcing a Real Witch: For Pagans and the People that Used to Love Them.”  I think those two are gonna be neck-in-neck.

Spring has come to Redlands.  I pointed out the spring-green bits on the top of the giant tree in our front yard, and Brian groaned.  “It starts…” he said.  “All those leaves to pick up next Fall.”  I’m thinking instead about the lovely deep green it turned last summer, and all the cool shade we got.  The neighbor’s plum tree lops over a bit into our yard and I can see the white blossoms through my bedroom window.  The Roger’s Reds went from looking like twisted dead twigs to sprouting little silver leaves no bigger than a dime.  I have a feeling the yard is going to start looking closer to how I want it to look in no time.

The kitten has decided that we’re writing buddies.  Or rather, that she wants me to stop writing and be buddies.  She has eaten two of the cloth bookmarks tethered to my Moleskine notebooks, skittering around the table after them.  When she realized that wasn’t working, she attempted to sit on the notebook.  When I still didn’t stop scribbling, she sat on my hand.  My aunt is in the middle of a house re-do and she gave me a tiny desk with an adjustable sloping top.  The kitten doesn’t understand why the surface isn’t flat.  There has been much snuffling, some climbing and sliding, and a bit of trying to climb underneath the mechanism.    She’s SUCH a problem.  But I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Her problematic mannerisms are what make me love her so much; and that deep, throaty purr of hers.

The last news this week is that 2015 might be just as filled with babies as 2014.  First set of friends just announced they’re having a girl.  I’ll go get out the crochet hook…

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Book Review: The Art of Asking

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I just finished The Art of Asking.  I don’t even know what to say about it, because it filled me up full of feelings both good and sad.  It felt like a story I was intimately familiar with, and yet something wholly new.  It left me with so many images from my own marriage, my own struggle toward legitimacy as a writer, and my own hang-ups about asking.   It has left me feeling confessional.

I joined the AFP fandom right about when she found out that Anthony had cancer and cancelled her tour.  I remember being worried for them.  I was jealous of all the house parties.  I’m a lurker, though.  I have never tweeted her, never tried to attend a show, never attempted to find Neil at a signing.  I made a highly-inappropriate-for-work playlist of her songs and played them in my lonely office in the basement of Chapman University.  I thought about buying tickets to the book tour in Los Angeles, but I didn’t.  I am an introverted, fuddy-duddy house maker. I will go one of these days, though.  I will.

Amanda and I are fundamentally different people, but so many of those life changing moments she writes about are moments I have had myself.  Like the tear-jerking relief of being told to keep going.

Oddly, it is Neil who gave me the first words of encouragement that weren’t from people who love me (and have to be complimentary).  I spent a year and a half researching a 45 page thesis on Deaf identity and film.  My advisor loved it and suggested we try and joint publish it.  He staked his PhD on me.  And then it was rejected in a mean, mean way.  I was told it was unscholarly and offensive.  I spent the night sobbing and reading Neil’s “Make Good Art” on the couch while Brian slept in the next room.  In a fit of despair, I decided that I would write Neil and thank him for Make Good Art, because at least I had a place to proceed from.  He wrote me back.  “Good luck! And keep going…” he said.  I would have kept going anyway.  But to be told I was legitimately allowed to? By a professional? A cool wave of gratitude washed over me and something in my heart released.  I wanted to cry again, this time from relief. It was a flood.

Perhaps this is why the book feels so familiar.  I have never been a statue on the streets of Boston.  I could never live at a place like the Cloud Club.  I would never shave my eyebrows and draw them artfully back on again.  Nor would I be comfortable on a stage even partially naked.  But there is so much love in this story, and the experience of needing, wanting, and being afraid of what people will say if you ask (or take) is universal.

My father was a great help to me in relationships.  Among many other things, he taught me that I could never be angry with someone for not providing me with something I haven’t asked for.  That is how I’ve lived my life.  It’s okay not to ask, but I have to assume that if I don’t ask I’m not getting it.  This is why it took me five years to see Garrison Keillor at the Hollywood Bowl (I told you I’m a fuddy-duddy).  It’s why I sometimes don’t feel like I’m getting enough attention from Brian (ask him to get off Facebook, or decline a night of Netflix? No).  It’s also why I had an amazing and awesome graduation party.  That one was important enough.  That one I told him I wanted.

I am slowly learning to ask; to hit myself over the head with my own “legit” wand as a writer.  The Art of Asking is a chronicle of Amanda’s journey toward the same and it is extraordinary.  It has exposed me to the wonderfulness of  a life I never would have led.  Although places, dates, and names are unique the inside struggle is something we all share.

I heartily, 100% recommend the book with all my heart.  I simultaneously want to loan it to everyone I’ve ever met (especially my artist friends) and can’t bear to part with my copy.

You should definitely go read it now.  I promise, you will walk away with something new and invaluable to think about.

Amazon Affiliate link here: The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help

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Six in Six

NIGHT

I am between things right now. The novel is finally going well, although it is somewhat on hold while Brian reads it and tells me what he thinks. We have only had one fight so far about it, which must be some sort of record.

This means that, for the first time in a LONG time, I don’t have anything that I’m supposed to be writing and procrastinating on. Like, the first time in 3+ years. I’m not entirely sure what to do with myself. I had tentative plans to write a bunch of short stories, but so far I’m having a hard time making that resolution stick. This is where the blog comes in…

I’m committing to 6 stories in 6 weeks. I’ve created a separate page for them on the website, so you can ignore or partake as you wish. They’ll be a bit edited, but they won’t have all gone through the rigorous process I usually put things through before calling them Done (with a capital D). They’re probably not all going to be good stuff – the last time I did this about 3 of the 6 stories were things I considered worth the effort of revising.

The publishing schedule is also likely to be erratic. All 6 stories will be posted on the blog by April 1, but I make no other promises regarding regularity. In addition, because I’m putting them on a separate page and not on the Journal of Bloggyness, you may not get them in your inbox. I’ll keep the “News” page updated with what’s up, and I’ll also post on my Facebook page whenever there’s a new one (https://www.facebook.com/Caseyehamilton). I hope you’re interested enough to follow.

And if not, that’s okay too. I’m mostly doing this because if I tell 500+ people on the internet it’s happening, then it HAS to happen. There’s nothing like public shame to give a girl some motivation.

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Cannons

I write little essays about things all the time, save them in a file, and forget about them.  Then, when I’m looking for ideas I go through them and have a little fun…

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In the Great Garage Clean-Out of 2013, I came across a box full of picture books that I had loved as a child and was saving for the days when I had my own child. Keeping things “just in case,” was not part of the bargain Brian and I made about things, though. The bargain we made was that we either had to use it, display it, or donate it. Most of the books I was fine donating, but there was a collection of books that were full of gorgeous pictures on glossy paper. “Drummer Hoff” was in there. That was my favorite as a child, and a Maine alphabet book, and “Shh, We’re Writing the Constitution.” So I decided I was making paper flowers out of them to display in my home.

“I found Drummer Hoff!” I said to Brian.

“What the hell is Drummer Hoff?” he said.

“Drummer Hoff fired it off,” I said. “It’s a book about a cannon.”

“I see,” said Brian.

“Private Parage brought the carriage, but Drummer Hoff fired it off.”

“Uh huh.”

“Corporal Farrel brought the barrel, Private Parage brought the carriage, but Drummer Hoff fired it off.”

“I get it,” said Brian. “Please don’t do another one.”

“But it’s so pretty, and then at the end they fire off the cannon and the explosion takes up the whole page, and the last page is the broken cannon all grown over. There’s a bird on it, and some butterflies.”

“They broke the cannon? I can’t believe they broke the cannon. They’re doing it wrong.”

“I blame it on Captain Bammer. He probably rammed it all too hard. Or Colonel Chowder with his sub-standard powder.”

Brian performed a feat of eye rolling. “So basically what you’re telling me is that you were already a history nerd when you were six?”

“That is exactly what I’m telling you. In related news, I have found my dream job.  It’s a  calling, really.”

“What’s your dream job?”

“To become the lady at the Yorktown army encampment who sets of the cannon for the demonstration.”

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Mockingbird

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Harper Lee is coming out with a new novel. I was VERY excited about it, but now I’m a bit worried… according to reports, Harper Lee isn’t all there and will almost sign anything that’s put in front of her. Her sister, who had it very together and took care of all Lee’s business, died last year. I hope it’s all fine, and I do trust that Harper Collins is a company who won’t outright screw her over. I just hope that the other people looking after Lee are trustworthy too. They’ve proven otherwise in the past.  If you’re interested; http://the-toast.net/2015/02/04/questions-harper-lee-editor-interview/ is a pretty great article explaining all the ins and outs of the crazy.

I was excited in large part because To Kill a Mockingbird was a huge part of my formative Junior High years. Back then, the teacher would give us a book, and then we would read it (sometimes during silent reading time in class), and then we would do a bunch of projects on it. I read so much faster than my classmates that I had usually been through the thing 4 times – at least – before we switched to the next book.

To Kill a Mockingbird was different. They messed up my schedule royally due to a new computer system and I was placed in a different class, with a different teacher, who were on a different reading schedule than my own class. The book they were reading? Yup. Scout, Atticus, Boo, and Jem followed me from place to place that year. They eventually put me back into my old class where my quick reading habits got me caught up quickly on whatever we read next – I don’t remember the book. But I definitely remember Atticus’ embarrassing talent with the mouth harp, and how he had to shoot the rabid dog that summer day, having to look up what a chifferobe was (it’s a wardrobe with drawers), and how the town drunk didn’t have alcohol in his brown paper-wrapped bottle.

I hope it’s all on the up-and-up with Harper Lee. I would really hate to not read this book.

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A Tale of Three Bad Cats

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Look at them… they’re clearly plotting something.

The cats are on a roll lately. It seems like a small kitten would not be that much extra cat, but Jennyanydots is extraordinarily naughty, as my sister in law likes to say. Couple Dots’ single minded determination to get into trouble with the neuroticism of the cats we already have, and it’s been, uh… interesting. Brian is fed up. I open the front door at the end of the day gleefully wondering what they’ve destroyed this time. It’s always interesting, and never what you would expect.

Last week, we didn’t close the lidded trash can well enough. Dots, through much determined sniffing, found that she could pull the bit of the trash bag that overhangs the can and ferret her way in. Evidently, tracking the recycling all over the house is not good enough. She wants the dirty stuff in the actual trash can. Preferably to eat.

This week, we got wise and closed everything down properly. But Dots thinks it was her destruction of the trash bag that led to her victory last week. I came home to find that it had snowed plastic bits in the waste alcove, and that the trash can had a red ring around it where the drawstring had fallen free. Lid still intact, though. The humans take this one. I choose not to dwell on the fact that the bag is useless without the drawstring, and it’s going to be a pain to take out the trash next time.

Anydots and Annie have been tearing all over the house after each other. Usually it’s cute.   I realized the other day, though, that they had knocked my dollhouse staircase over and broke off a few of the rails. They came loose clean, so I’ll just have to glue them back on again. Not too bad. Among things that have suffered permanently from the rumpuses are my glass bread pans, and the carved angel knick-knacks (they’re now headless). The kitchen rug is permanently askew.

I came home yesterday to find that they all preferred eating my novel to reading it. Pieces of draft pages are all over the office, mingled with shreds of paper towel. I had just picked up all the remnants of Christmas wrapping and tissue paper they destroyed a few weeks ago. And we haven’t even mentioned the collection of Brian’s black socks they have dragged all over the house in an effort to pretend they’re dead rats.

Little antisocialite Amy has decided that she will not use any box the dirty kitten is allowed to use. Instead, she prefers the dining room carpet.

They ate all of Brian’s trail mix after doing their favorite sneaky trick. They sniffed it and pretended to be uninterested so we would be careless with it. Once we were at work, they ripped the bag open, binged on the contents, and scattered seeds throughout the house.

I’m a sucker for those cats, though. I really am. Dots has the loudest purr, and she gallops onto my lap while vibrating, marching and lifting her chin for pats. She will suddenly decide that on my lap is not close enough, she must be rubbing her cheek on my cheek, charging at my face. Annie just wants to loll on anyone’s lap and be adored. Amy wants to stand close and be admired with no touching. The older cats clean each others’ faces in the morning and sleep entwined. Dots sleeps outside my door and bolts into the bedroom in the morning as soon as anyone opens it. She sits behind my double-sided face mirror and terrorizes the cat on the other side when I’m getting ready in the morning.

For purring in stereo surround sound, I would do an awful lot. Now pass me that carpet cleaner, and stock me up on super glue. I’m going to need it.

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Book Reviews: 3 by Rainbow Rowell

Rainbow Rowell is my new obsession.  Her books are filled with flawed characters who live in the world I do and want the things I want.  Her plots may be slightly unlikely, but they err on the “OMG I wish that happened to me,” side.  Oddly enough, they make me long for that time when I was 20 and uncertain of everything except how much I loved Brian.  And how easy it was to love him in detail back then without the cares of the world to intercede.  I don’t get nostalgic for my 20s often, so the fact that Rowell can do that is a form of magic.  At this point, I’ll be reading everything she’s ever written.  The only one I haven’t dived into so far is Eleanor and Park.

My conclusion in a nutshell: READ THEM!  READ THEM ALL!  NOW!

Rainbow Rowell

Attachments: A Novel

I picked up this book because the premise sounded fun.  Man hired to read and screen company e-mails gets sucked in by the quippy correspondence between two girls in the office and falls in love with one.  I mean, it was written by a woman named Rainbow.  It had to be fun, right?  I expected a cute, light read.  What I didn’t expect was the depth of character.

Lincoln (the e-mail reader) is this sad guy deeply in need of, well, something.  He lives with his mother and pines for the high school girlfriend who cheated on him once they got to college.  He’s pathetic, but there’s something so attractive about him just the same.  You feel sorry for him, but at the same time you can see how a girl would fall head over heels for him.  I don’t know how Rowell does that, but it’s brilliant.  One of the many reasons to love her.

There is depth in the story of the two girls, also.  One pregnant with a baby she isn’t sure she wants even though she’s happily married.  And another who is trapped in a relationship with a man who has been very clear that he will never marry her, despite her desire to get married.  They go beyond being funny (which they are – hilarious), and become genuine people.

I won’t say too much, but the ending is way more satisfying than I ever thought it could be.  A+

Landline: A Novel

This book is strange, from the standpoint that everything else in Georgie’s life is totally normal, except that she finds a telephone in her bedroom that calls the past.  When she has to stay at home over the holidays to work on a script, her husband takes the kids to his mom’s house without her.  And then is strangely unreachable.  Also enter complicated relationship with male best friend.  So she calls on the telephone and talks to her husband Neal just before he proposed to her, in another time and place 20 years earlier when they were also on the rocks.

This book felt really familiar, in that I think all people who are married build up baggage and decide that the other person is  judging them for things when they might not be.  And that there is a past that was blissful without responsibility involved.  This is the book that made me really nostalgic for those college days when I used to drop by Brian’s house between classes, when he took me out for hot fudge sundaes after work at 2 am.

If this book has any flaws, it is the unlikeliness of that phone existing, and the fact that there doesn’t seem to be an unsolvable problem between Georgie and Neal.  It’s all in her head.  But the flaws might be all in my head.  It was a pretty great read.

Fangirl: A Novel

Just as I’m about to say that this one is my favorite of the three, I remember how great the other two were.  But seriously, this one is SO GREAT.  Cath and Wren (twins) go off to college, and socially challenged Cath is dismayed to find out that her sister doesn’t want to hang out once there.  Cath much prefers the online community she’s built as a fan fiction writing mogul to meeting any new people at all.

But it’s about living with social anxiety, living with a mentally-ill father, dealing with the tragedies in your past, learning to write, and letting yourself fall in love.  Cath’s roommate, Regan, is so negative that she’s hilarious.  Levi’s aerie in the house he lives in is my favorite thing ever.  I would never leave.  And there are super-hot, reading aloud to each other leads to heavy petting, scenes.  Basically every fantasy I’ve ever had.  Another amazing read.

I hear there’s going to be an actual Simon Snow novel next.  I’m a little thrilled about that.

All links are Amazon Affiliate links. Happy reading!

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A Novel Update. Sigh.

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So, how is the novel, you ask?  Sometimes people do ask me, you know.  And I hardly ever answer with the truth, because I would have to say, “Yeah, it’s a mess.”  I’ve broken every resolution I ever made about the thing.

I was supposed to be done with draft 5 before the year turned new again.  I’m 80 pages away, and I can’t seem to make myself charge forward any more.  Why?  I realized that in editing, I edited out all reference in the second part of the novel to one of the main character’s injuries – which was basically the entire premise for the first part of the novel.  It has to be in there.  It has to be.  So I feel like an idiot going blissfully on and still leaving out that important piece.

But re-copying the novel is the best thing I ever decided to do.  Structurally, it’s so much better than it used to be.  And it seems stupid to go back, edit in all the other stuff to add the injury in, and then come to this rough, badly edited piece again.  Would it not be better to just finish re-structuring draft 5 and then edit the injury into draft 6 as a complete draft?  Or would it actually not?  I have no idea.  I’ve never written a novel before.  This is my first one.

This is not the first time I’ve felt like an idiot while writing a novel, FYI.

And the real problem is that the novel is in two parts.  That’s what creates all the angst (and the cheating.  One draft at a time, self).

I was supposed to be reading the manuscript to Brian starting on the first. I realized, though, that I wanted to do another polishing draft.  So instead of working on the end part of draft 5 in December like I was supposed to, I did draft 6 on the first part again.  And then I started reading draft 6 to Brian, who offered excellent suggestions I’m eager to put into practice in draft 7.

BUT I HAVEN’T FINISHED DRAFT 5 YET.

Sigh.  Wrangling myself is like herding cats.   I’ll be buckling down on draft 5 this week, although I don’t really have any hope for myself.  But if you put it on the internet, it HAS to happen.  Right?

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Turkeys On Time

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My father is the cook in the family. We force him into making his supernaturally fluffy omelets whenever we get the chance. With cheese, bacon, and avocado please. It’s ruined me for diner omelets. His creamed corn recipe is well renowned and a staple at all the fancy dinner occasions (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter…). He wears a white chef coat, brandishes a spatula, and yells bloody murder at everyone to get out of my grandfather’s small kitchen. Except me, because I stuff myself into a tiny corner and hand him things he needs. It’s a good arrangement. I don’t mind being yelled at when it’s all in fun.

For Christmas, my father has a perfect Turkey recipe and prides himself on getting it to the table ON TIME.

Brian and I did the turkey for Christmas dinner this year at our new place. And by “Brian and I,” I mean Brian. I assisted by giving good moral support, not looking too close at the dead bird on the counter, ignoring the neck completely, and deciding on the times to put things in the oven. Turkeys creep me out, and Brian is a champ.

The bird was an hour and a half late. It took just a little extra time than I expected to cook, but I forgot things like resting and carving when I told Brian when it absolutely had to go in.

It was a lovely day, it really was. And the bird was delicious. Everyone kept patting me on the back and telling me how they weren’t too hungry anyway as breakfast had been such a big meal. But I brandished my new wooden spoon in my fancy Christmas apron and felt that sinking feeling when the time stretched forward and still the bird wasn’t done. I had violated the ON TIME stipulation. I was my own pet-peeve.

In other news, who knew that cooking Christmas dinner could be so exhausting? Brian did the Turkey, but I did the potatoes, stuffing, gravy, and 2 kinds of cranberry sauce. And I expedited. I spent a weary Friday wondering if I would do it all again, but by Saturday I knew I gladly would. We are still eating (tasty, tasty) leftovers. The house feels infinitely more like home now that we have some good Christmas memories in it. It was a good holiday. But next year, I will get that turkey to the table when I SAY it will be on the table.

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