Why do I always have such a hard time writing a blog entry lately? It’s not like lots hasn’t happened. I guess I’m just not ready to tell the world about my woes, and not just because I don’t really want to talk about it. It’s a little embarrassing. I don’t want to come off as a complainer. I have this need to pretend that I am a triumphant adult living a perfect life when the reality is quite different. Especially now that I won’t have a job in three months.
Yes, that’s right. You heard me. Chapman University is reorganizing their entire University Advancement division. My position is one of the several being eliminated. They will not give us a concrete time frame, but they said it will be at least two months and maybe three. The Dean told me they would keep me as long as they could manage, but that it was mostly out of his control.
You would think I should be distraught. I’m not.
I can claim to be worried. I can claim to be weary. The last thing I want to spend my time doing is applying for jobs. It takes hours to write a good cover letter, and then I send it all out into the vacuum of the internet and never hear back. I do this several times a week, and maybe I will hear from one place in the three months before I’m out of a job, student loan debts still clamoring to be paid. It’s enough to make a girl give up and agree to live in abject poverty the rest of her life. None of the other options seem to be working.
But as much as I loathe the thought of a job search, I relish the idea of being in a new job. Maybe I could get a job in Claremont without a three hour commute. I could walk to work, or buy that teal beach cruiser. I could work one job with a real live lunch hour instead of rushing from busy job #1 to busy job #2 with only minutes to spare. And it could be much worse. I still have job #1. I may have to scrimp and save my pennies, but I will be able to pay the rent. I won’t starve. I have a bevy of people willing to give me good references.
The uncertainty is what’s killing me most. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I just don’t know. It’s too early to tell. So I cling to good and hope it comes true.
I have a feeling the phrase “blessing in disguise,” is about to come out of my mouth about five million times.
Casey E. Hamilton 