Posts Tagged With: Presents

Christmas Wrap


I am ALMOST ready for Christmas.  Jams are done (by the skin of my teeth they all sealed properly), shopping is done, and now all that’s left is the mountain of wrapping and packaging to do.

We’re crazy in my family about the wrapping.  Everyone has a theme each year, and it’s possible to tell who gave you the gift without looking at the card at all.  My aunt goes for funky, natural, and shiny, in browns and blacks for the main bits, but with the strangest and most delightful ribbons attached, everything from lacy glitter orange to natural stuff printed with reindeer.  She hand-makes her tags, too. My sister usually sticks with white craft paper, but goes CRAZY on the bows.  She also usually has some sort of natural topper wedged between.  Last year was maroon, the year before was blue and sparkly.  My mom goes all out festival with novelty prints of which no two are the same, and large tags that give you a clue as to what’s inside, if you can figure out who it’s from (a drill from “Norm,” a cookbook from “Julia”).  I am usually a craft paper girl like my sister, but the colors change.  Last year was white paper, and brown ribbon printed with “Merry Christmas” in red.  The year before was red paper, black baker’s twine, and mini clothespins with trees attached.  The year before that was brown paper with red and white bows.  I usually have the wrapping before I have the presents.

Not so this year.  I have no wrapping paper yet, and I’m not sure what everything will end up looking like.  This is the first time ever that I’m so late.  I’ll be heading out tonight to figure out what I can find.  Whatever else happens, I’m pretty sure I’ll end up with gigantic red bows, though.  In velvet, if possible.

In other news, I have been doing this thing called 750 words where you write 750 words a day and it gives you prizes and puts your writing through an analyzer just for fun when you’ve finished.  I’ve been noticing that I clock major introvert when I’m writing about life.  But when I write fiction, it tracks as extroverted.  I don’t know what that says about me or my work.  It probably says something, though.  Anyway, I thought it worth noting.

I hope your Christmas is shaping up to be as good as mine seems to be.

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Jane Austen Band-Aids


At August Thanksgiving last weekend, Julie gave me a box of Jane Austen band-aids.  They are the most hilarious thing ever.  They have a woman in a pink Regency gown clutching a floral bonnet on them.  They come in a metal tin with the phrase “free prize inside!!!” on the outside in white cursive.  They also come in two colors: pink swirly background and blue swirly background. 

“This is awesome!” I told both Brian and Julie.  “See, Brian can use the blue bandages, and I’ll use the pink.  The blue bandages are super-manly and obviously for sharing purposes.”

“Oh yes,” said Brian.  “I’ll definitely be using those.”

Last night, I cut myself last night on a can of soda in a moment of sheer idiocy.  I’m fine.  No signs of lockjaw yet.  I have never been so excited to be bleeding in my life.  Jane Austen band-aid!!!  I opened the tin to take one out, and found the free prize. 

It is a temporary tattoo.

Of a corn-dog with one bite taken out.

This tickled me more than I can possibly say.  I spent most of the morning trying to explain to Brian why I could not stop laughing.  There is just something about the phallic-ness of a hot dog that when coupled with corn bread and a stick, and the high class romanticism of Jane Austen, becomes something transcendent.  Not to mention the fact that it’s been bitten; or is a temporary tattoo.  It potentially makes so many comments about society. 

“I’m sure it was an accident.  You know, I’ll bet they just put whatever in there like they do in the Cracker Jack boxes,” said Brian.

“Yes, but doesn’t that make it even better?” I said.

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