At August Thanksgiving last weekend, Julie gave me a box of Jane Austen band-aids. They are the most hilarious thing ever. They have a woman in a pink Regency gown clutching a floral bonnet on them. They come in a metal tin with the phrase “free prize inside!!!” on the outside in white cursive. They also come in two colors: pink swirly background and blue swirly background.
“This is awesome!” I told both Brian and Julie. “See, Brian can use the blue bandages, and I’ll use the pink. The blue bandages are super-manly and obviously for sharing purposes.”
“Oh yes,” said Brian. “I’ll definitely be using those.”
Last night, I cut myself last night on a can of soda in a moment of sheer idiocy. I’m fine. No signs of lockjaw yet. I have never been so excited to be bleeding in my life. Jane Austen band-aid!!! I opened the tin to take one out, and found the free prize.
It is a temporary tattoo.
Of a corn-dog with one bite taken out.
This tickled me more than I can possibly say. I spent most of the morning trying to explain to Brian why I could not stop laughing. There is just something about the phallic-ness of a hot dog that when coupled with corn bread and a stick, and the high class romanticism of Jane Austen, becomes something transcendent. Not to mention the fact that it’s been bitten; or is a temporary tattoo. It potentially makes so many comments about society.
“I’m sure it was an accident. You know, I’ll bet they just put whatever in there like they do in the Cracker Jack boxes,” said Brian.
“Yes, but doesn’t that make it even better?” I said.
Casey E. Hamilton 