Author Archives: caseykins

Oh, Amazon…

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So it turns out that not only is Amazon blocking Hachette (http://online.wsj.com/articles/amazon-hachette-e-book-pricing-battle-continues-1407708761), but they’re trying the same shit with Warner Brothers (http://mashable.com/2014/06/10/hachette-warner-bros-amazon-lego/) and Disney (http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/08/09/amazon-takes-the-muppets-off-the-shelf/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_php=true&_type=blogs&smid=tw-nytimesbits&_r=2&). Umm, I don’t know how you expect this to end guys, but I predict that it won’t go well. In addition, Amazon has sent out a letter to all their self-published KDP writers asking them to write to the CEO of Hachette and complain (http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/08/09/orwell-is-amazons-latest-target-in-battle-against-hachette/). Another really bad idea, I would imagine; even if they had gotten their literary references correct. Amazon is now putting people like me (who just want to read a damn book, or sell a damn book) in the middle of this thing. It’s like running to mommy when the big kid tries to take your lunch money, except that Amazon is supposed to be the mommy in this situation. 

I am shaking my head over here. Also, I’m angry.

Frankly, I don’t care how I get my stuff as long as I get it. I liked the fact that Amazon is easy to use and all in one place; I can click a single button and the thing I’ve ordered arrives. However, all my stuff is no longer in the same place or will arrive reliably. Shannon Hale is with Hachette. Amanda Palmer is with Hachette. JK Rowling and Stephen Colbert are with Hachette. I LOVE the Muppets.  I really don’t like getting dicked around because two giant corporations can’t get it together and make an agreement. I don’t think that Hachette is blameless, but I do think they’ve played the PR game better. And really, for me, the whole thing is about access. I don’t care how Amazon and Hachette resolve this thing, I just want to be able to read what I want to read. I also don’t mind paying a little more for that privilege.

So basically, this post is to say that I’m done. Amazon obviously can’t give me the customer experience I need. I love that Kindle app on my phone, but did you know that Kobo also has a reading app? I downloaded it last night and I already love it. Their prices are not that different from Amazon, and I was able to preorder both Shannon Hale’s “A Wonderlandiful World” and Amanda Palmer’s “The Art of Asking” with the click of a single button. It loads faster than the Kindle app, too, and they give me fancy badges for reading stuff! There is also a little green bookmark that goes into your page when you sign out. Next, I’m going to try Powell’s (http://www.powells.com/) or Vroman’s (http://www.vromansbookstore.com/) for all my physical book ordering needs. There is also the fabulous Barnes and Noble, for the large and established factor.  I’m not going without stuff to prove a point I don’t care about, Amazon.  Maybe if you had gotten that George Orwell quote right… (Okay, not even then).

In the mean time, I wish both Amazon and Hachette luck in figuring this whole thing out. Now excuse me while I go enrich Wil Wheaton’s stock in popcorn by buying a huge bowl for myself. I’ve figured out a way to get my books like I want them and I no longer have a stake in the game. Now the travesty can unfold for my amusement.

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Summer Rains

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Things are settling at home. There is still a heap of boxes in the garage filled with unimportant things, like the tarot cards that I don’t quite dare throw away from the drawer in my bedside table. I have thrust so many of my high school hopes and dreams into them that if they were not full of mysticism before they must certainly be filled with some enigmatic thing now. Most of the walls have pictures leaned against them, upside down, waiting for nail and hammer. Due to the many incompetencies of the only provider in town, we don’t have internet. But we are mostly moved in to our new house. I can make tea on my stove with the vibrant blue insides. I have mowed the lawn, feeling the machine vibrate all the way up my arms and breathing in the green as I push the mower over the tufts. There are teal curtains in my bedroom, and my lavender office is my favorite room of the house.

I have been homesick for Claremont, though. I am in town every day for work, and yet it seems so distant. Perhaps it is the waffling Brian and I do at dinner time.

“Do you want to go out to eat?” I ask.

“Where?”

“I don’t know. I guess we could wander around downtown until something looks good…”

In Claremont, I could say “Sacca’s,” or “How about Dr. Grubbs?” or “Pizza n’ Such?”

In Redlands it is all foreign, and it has gone from feeling like vacation to not quite feeling like home.

Until this weekend, I thought the reason that it doesn’t quite feel like home because it is so hot in Redlands. Brian and I used to wander through the neighborhood to the Claremont Village for ice cream some nights. I was looking forward to moonlit strolls through the orange groves near our house in Redlands, but a wall of hair-frizzing heat attacks anyone brave enough to open the door, even in the evenings.

There were summer rainstorms this weekend and it made the world a lot cooler. The first was a hot sprinkling of alligator drops that brought a sweet maple-syrup smell to the air. Like when Brian used to visit his grandparents in Arizona and it would rain on the desert, he told me. I threw on my grandmother’s raincoat, Brian wore a black coat and carried a black umbrella, and we walked across campus, the hot drops still falling from the sky. There are so many nooks and crannies that I know we didn’t get into even half of them. Still, we rounded the corner of the art building to see a rusted abstract man standing amid the branches of a gray, leafy bush. There was a ceramic elephant holding a red canvas umbrella near the faculty offices. There is a building where the red shingles look like scales and Athena’s owl looks down from the middle of the porch.

Our Saturday walk was so wonderful that we decided to go again on Sunday. A black cloud loomed in the distance, but I didn’t care. A drenching and a lamppost are the only barriers between my Gene Kelly impersonation, and sometimes not even both are necessary. I love being drenched as long as I don’t have to sit in the damp clothes for hours afterward.

“We aren’t going that far,” I said.

“Let’s go to that park two blocks over,” said Brian. “The one with the big slides.”

It began to rain as we stepped onto the grass in the park. The rain was colder, coming in gusts, and the languid quality of the drops was gone.

“It’s raining!” I yelled, and I did bell kicks up the path. My shoulders became speckled darker with wet.

“Yeah, I know,” he said. And then the sky rumbled.

We took refuge in a tower above a violent yellow twisty slide. The roof leaked. The sky opened up as soon as we sat down, and showered buckets. The sky flashed.

“Did you see it? Count!” I said.

So we sat by the slide and counted how far the storm was.

“It’s getting closer,” said Brian.

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know, it doesn’t seem to be letting up. We’re only a couple of blocks from home.”

We climbed back down the playground equipment. I was wet through before my feet had even left the metal ladder to touch the sand below. The paths were all now rivulets of water flowing down to the wash at the base of the park. My breath steamed up my glasses, so I took them off and saw the rushing water and the puddles like an impressionist painting. It was tough work, picking a path through the rushing streams of mud and froth that ran across our path every few feet. There was no avoiding them, and so I waded through. The stairs near the Greek Theater became a waterfall, and they poured water up to my knees. We were just deciding if it was a good idea to attempt to cross the bridge over the wash when public safety pulled up in a white SUV.

“Want a ride?” the gentleman with cop mustache and graying temples asked.

“Yes please!” we said.

So we piled into the back of his car, trying unsuccessfully not to pool water on everything, and he drove us the last two blocks home.

We changed into dry clothes and cuddled up on the couch, listening to the rain still falling behind the windows. I realized that, although Redlands doesn’t yet feel like home, at no other time in my life has the California landscape been so present. Vibrant, graffiti covered freight trains race me down the freeway on my way to work every morning.   I round the bend to exit my neighborhood and there is a row of palms sheltering the orange grove that we traipsed through the other day. In the distance on three sides, brown hills recede to purple lumps beneath the sky. The sharp smell of eucalyptus is in the air. Roses bloom outside my front door.

“You know,” I said to Brian. “As stressful as this moving stuff has been, the living in Redlands part has been pretty magical.”

“Yes it has,” he agreed.

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Book Review: 2 Lyra Novels, The Raven Ring and Shadow Magic

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Patricia C. Wrede, The Raven Ring:

Remember how I said I didn’t really like reading D&D campaigns? Evidently this book doesn’t apply. It’s full of tropes that usually infuriate me into a book throwing rage, and yet I enjoyed this. I can’t put my finger on why. The story line was one of the usual things in D&D campaigns. Mom dies, so scrappy daughter goes to collect Mom’s things only to find out that Mom was murdered and people are after her things. Chaos and kick-assedness ensue. For extra good measure, there’s an aristocratic, handsome (and full of himself) swordsman. He’s good at the fighting stuff, but not as good as the heroine. There’s also a cocky and friendly thief who belongs to a mafia-like family. There is wizard wisdom and magic galore. Everyone makes a pass at the main character. (sigh…)

But it was fun and light, with just enough surprises to keep the standard adventure plot feeling comfortable and not stifling. It did have a few flaws. The resolution felt like it blindsided me, it happened so soon and with so little warning. I thought it was another complication until I realized that the book was over. It was well chosen, though, and ultimately satisfying. I also can’t help but wish that the main character didn’t end up with any of the boys and just left for home without a fellow in tow.

Seriously, though, for as cavalier as I’m treating this review I did stay up all night to finish the book. That’s not something I do often these days. I also downloaded another Lyra novel ASAP and devoured that one in the space of about six hours as well. That book was:

 ***

Patricia C. Wrede, Shadow Magic:

The book is again along the D&D Campaign lines, and I fell in love with it harder than I did the Raven Ring. Kayl has two children and a dead husband when the magic seekers come to town. Escaping them, she’s pulled into her old life in the house of the Silver Sisters. They want her to go back to the twisted black tower where a dark ooze ate her best friends, leaving only four of them alive to bring the story to others. She’s fifteen years older, out of shape, and out of sword practice, but she has to go and complete the mission (children, and all of the people from the old expedition in tow) and hope they don’t all die in the process. She has memory issues, too, and one of her friends looks to die from the prophetic visions the tower gave him so long ago.

I felt like some of the reasons to have the children along were contrived, but they ultimately played an important part in the resolution of the story, so I forgave Wrede for the wishy-washy excuses to have them go the whole way. Besides the constant bickering between the siblings (which I’m sure is realistic but isn’t always fun to listen to), that’s really my only beef with the book. The rest of it was excellent. The plot is less predictable, and left me guessing (and drooling, and wondering) to the end. Pacing was perfect.

 ***

Some thoughts about both: Perhaps what I am fascinated by most in these books is the world of Lyra. It feels real, and I’m forever learning about secret societies, different races, and different customs that fascinate me. Her characters are so well developed that it doesn’t really matter if the campaigns are standard roleplay fare, because they trump cliché with humanness. With many bonus points for books about kick-ass mothers.

At a highbrow party I would be much more likely to recommend The Enchanted Chocolate Pot by Patricia C. Wrede and Caroline Stevenmore, or Wrede’s Frontier Magic series to strangers, but there’s just something about both of these that makes them impossible to put down. Excuse me while I go download the next.              

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Fairy Tale

This story is on my Clarion website, (go to http://clarionwriteathon.org/members/profile.php, and click “Show/Hide excerpts at the bottom) but I liked it so much that I had to share here as well. It’s a fairy tale from Kwedregiol, the place where my first novel happens.

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Once there was, and once there wasn’t. In the long-distant days of yore, when haystacks winnowed sieves, when pixies played stickball on the cliffs of the Elums, and when I softly rocked my baby grandmother to sleep in her creaking cradle, a man walked the earth. He was a tall man, sleek and muscular, his frame rose bigger than a market stall and glistened golden like a bonfire. The people of the mountains called him Michegua, for he had no name of his own.

Michegua was a wise man. Michegua was a forgiving man. Michegua was a generous man. He gave the people of the mountains many things. First, he gave them the rising sun so their crops would grow hearty and hale. Next, he gave them fire to cook their meat and to give them safety from animals in the darkness. Third, he gave them laws.

Can you recite them with me? The five laws of Michegua? They bind us all, and so we must know them. Here, begin: Do not kill for aught but sustenance. Do not lie and do not steal. Rest one day, of the week to reflect on your blessings. Honor your betters. Strive in all ways to treat others as you would be treated.

Because of the great gifts of Michegua, the people came away from the mountains. They settled in green valleys beneath blue skies. They tilled the fields until the earth turned golden, tassels of corn waving in the wind. They settled by the sea and let the ocean breezes whip their skin into ruddy health. They became the people of the earth.

Only a few of the people stayed in the craggy, gray mountains, because they revered the place where Michegua had come first. For them, Michegua gave a trail of bright blue gentians. The little flowers dappled the mountain sides. This was so the people of the mountains did not miss the sea, for they had deepest blue growing on the hills. This was so the people of the mountains did not miss the waving corn, for the blossoms would wave in the wind. This was so the people of the mountains would always remember that they were the faithful who loved Michegua and the old ways the most.

Michegua stayed among the people for many years, but it came to pass that he had to leave them. In this time when fleas were barbers, and mountain goats were town criers, the people had a custom. They would give a gift to each stranger who came among them. Michegua was not a stranger anymore, but he was also not the same as the people of the earth. He was too tall and too golden. What could they give this splendid man who had already given them so much?

The oldest spoke first. “We will give him our worship,” he said. “We will make a God of him, that we never forget what he has done for us, though all the ages of the world pass by and those who are here have perished.”

The council nodded, and granted that gift.

The youngest spoke next. “We will give him increase,” he said. “We will spread across this world and thrive, because we have followed his teachings well. And everywhere on earth there will be people who know his name.”

The council nodded, and granted that gift.

The wisest spoke last. “We will give him a bride,” he said. “He will choose a woman from every generation. He shall mark her, and she shall be his. This way, he will come back to us one day.”

The council nodded, and granted that gift.

When Michegua heard of these gifts he saw that they were as great as the things he had given them, and he was touched. He called all the people together, the people of the earth, the people of the sea, the people of the mountains, so he could bid them goodbye. They met at the base of the mountains, where the sea and the land and the cliffs came together as one, the place called Kwedregiol. Michegua seemed taller that day than he had been when he lived among them. His skin flickered golden like the flames in the campfire. He took a deep breath, and shining white wings unfurled from his back.

“So you shall know me,” he said, “and also know my bride, by the wings on our backs and the love in our hearts that we both feel for you. People of the earth, go forth in my name and thrive. Multiply yourselves upon this place tenfold.”

His words echoed from the cliff face, and the people watched as he beat his wings upon the air and rose into the heavens. The wind from the down stroke of his wings brushed them all like a kiss across their cheeks. That was his parting.

The people made a white city on the place called Kwedregiol, carving it out of the land and the rocks, and in it they put the woman with the mark of wings on her body. There she waited, the bride of Michegua, for him to come back some distant day.

And as his bride was waiting, three apples fell from the sky; one for our story’s heroes, one for the person who told their tale, and one for those who listened and promise to share.

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It’s Official!

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We have officially moved in. The house is so quiet, and there is an amazing view from my bedroom window of bushy tree tops with palms rising above them, silhouetted black in the darkness.  The huge July moon peaked from behind patchy clouds last night, leaving a silver aura in the sky.  The mountains are ever present in Redlands, too.  I will round a corner and find myself staring at a vast orange grove, the brown foothills in the distance disappearing to become layers of craggy purple on the blue sky.  At night, the foothills light up like fairy dust.  I predict that I will love this place so deeply in no time at all.  I’m already infatuated.

I’m a total wimp these days.  I used to swing around 30 pound Female Court skirts on the Electrical Parade every night (those wires are heavy!), and then walk a mile or so along the parade route to make sure all the lights were chasing, not blinking, with more heavy lifting waiting at the end.  I am that hardy girl no longer.  This weekend almost killed me.  My back ached with a cold, hollow pain that is so much more than muscle fatigue.  My feet throbbed enough that it woke me up in the middle of the night with a frustrated sigh, which then also woke Brian up.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as I threw my head against the pillow.

“My feet are just throbbing,” I said.

He pulled my feet from under the blanket, drowsy and lazy, and let me drift in and out of sleep as he massaged them. They stopped throbbing. Things like this are why he gets major good husband points. It would have been a good night’s sleep if it weren’t for the nightmares of floating boxes and dire home repairs.  Oh the joys of homeownership…

The cats are also being awesome.  They have never had a house with stairs and they are slinking up and down as if they are sure to be dive-bombed by something nasty, out in the open like that.  They often yowl a satisfied call to the night, but last night they meowed soft loneliness at our bedroom door and didn’t stop until dawn.  When I went downstairs to get a drink from the kitchen, Amy followed me.  Five minutes later, Annie realized that she was alone.  Upstairs in a strange house.  She started crying again, from the fluffy place where she had been cleaning herself on my bed.

“Hey, crazy,” I yelled at her.  “We’re all down here.”  I made kissy noises, and she came trotting down the stairs, the look on her face wide eyed until she saw us.  Then, she became very intent on grooming that tail.

She’s cool.  She doesn’t need company to feel secure at all, obviously.

They both looked at me in horror when I said “goodbye cats and kittens,” and closed the door on them to go to work this morning.  I’m sure they’ll survive.

As I’m sure we’ll all survive, and thrive, in this new place and this new lifestyle. I look around every morning and think “I can’t believe I live here!” I think that’s a good sign.

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Why I joined the Clarion Writeathon:

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Why did I join the Clarion Writeathon? It’s a valid question, I think.  I have never applied for Clarion.  I don’t have any plans to apply for Clarion.  Still, I drool over the prospect of staying in a dorm with a collection of amazing genre writers.  The thought of Neil Gaiman just stopping by the house, or George R. R. Martin leading a writing exercise, or Ursula K. LeGuin critiquing my story is surreal.  I need a giant towel for all the salivating.  This is too good a thing to actually exist in the world. I can’t wrap my head around it.  Except that I can, because it is happening right now in San Diego.

Clarion is wonderful not just because their teachers are my idols (although that is certainly part of it).  There are so little resources out there for those of us who do write genre that it is a small miracle to find people who teach it.  The fact that Clarion teaches it with aplomb is greater than miraculous.  It is unique, and magical.  Much like the writing of the participants.

I haven’t applied because of work constraints.  I like my paycheck.  Six weeks without one just isn’t possible, even if they did cover tuition for me.  I am one of the few for whom Clarion just isn’t possible.  But there are hundreds of people each year who apply, and tens of people whom get this magical gift of six weeks in Writer-land.

Clarion is a gift, and I want to be the giver of that gift.

So, I am posting a short story per week – six stories in six weeks all together – on the Clarion website.  Like my stuff? Go check it out here: http://clarionwriteathon.org/members/profile.php . It’s all new, and very magical (also, hastily edited).  If you like it, consider donating to help someone’s dream come true next year.  All the money raised goes to scholarships for the class of 2015.  As Neil Gaman’s wife, Amanda Palmer, says, “Donating is Loving.”

The gift of writing is the best one ever, especially if you are giving it to someone else.  I promise.

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Houses, both big and little

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I am obsessed with the Tiny House movement lately.  I follow several blogs, a Facebook page devoted to pictures of tiny houses, everything Tumbleweed, and the list is growing by the day.  There is something about that lifestyle that is enchanting.  You can live in a Victorian cottage, but one that’s small and dainty.  It’s on wheels so you can drag it wherever the wanderlust dictates.  They are inexpensive, allowing many people to live debt free and in beautiful places.  I read Thoreau in high school like everyone else.  I want to suck the marrow from life and live deliberately too.

Brian and I have talked many times about not wanting a huge house, even if we could afford it.  We want enough, but no more than that.  The concept of what, exactly, is enough is a nebulous one, but I thought I was committed to non-excess.  We have been looking at houses in the Redlands area for a few weeks now and most of those have been small, generic tract homes.  That is what we thought we would end up with.

There is a plan for an 800+ square foot, 3 bedroom house on the Tumbleweed Homes website.  The B-52.  I’ve been dreaming about living in that house for a long time.  I would hire a carpenter to build everything into the house like I was living on a boat.  I would add a basement for a full laundry room and canning/root cellar area so I can be a homesteader with a huge vegetable garden somewhere outside.  Brian and I would raise our small family all on top of each other on a plot of wild land somewhere.  We would be free, and we would be happier.  Like the Ingalls family.  Green tomato pie and dancing on haystacks fill my daydreams.

This weekend I watched a documentary on Netflix about a guy, no prior building experience, who built his own tiny house in his parent’s backyard and then moved it to several gorgeous acres in the desert.  His girlfriend helped him, and it was this magical bonding experience.  There were so many interviews with other people living in tiny homes along the way.  I was left a little sad at the end of it all; not the reaction I expected.

I don’t know when, but eventually I realized that these people were living in roughly the space of my living room rug.  Well planned? Yes.  But Brian and I often feel cramped in our 600+ square foot apartment.  A lot of the problem is that we are not clean people.  Our last apartment was 400+ square feet that was always trashed, full of stacks of books and dirty dishes.  In 400+ square feet I would forget to hang up my jacket and the whole house would feel messy, because everywhere I looked there were things out of place.  One trip out of the litter box for the cat and bits of clay were spread over the entire kitchen and into the living room because they were so close together.  That was when we were behaving ourselves.  A single craft project could trash the place for weeks.  It was disheartening.

Besides my inability to be a model housekeeper, I am infamous in the plant world for my black thumb of death.  I kill the kind of plants people tell me are impossible to kill.  Houseplants, you say?  Those don’t have a chance.  I kill cacti.  I kill air plants.  I am sure that I am perfectly able to gain some rudimentary gardening skills (after all, my mother has them).  I’m equally sure that the journey is long and arduous between green reaper and homesteader extraordinaire.

And then there is the conundrum of land itself.  Have you priced land lately?  It’s so expensive!  I suppose we could build the on-wheels type of tiny home and circumnavigate some problems, but we wouldn’t be able to get permits to build anything more permanent until we owned the land.  My B-52 is not possible right now.  Brian and I priced it all out one night and found that it wouldn’t be any cheaper to live in a tiny house when all was said and done.  Maybe it would be cheaper than a mansion on the hill, but it would be about the same as our modest rent in our small apartment.

I realized also, that I really like the things that debt gives me: my elite college education, my glossy white car; the possibility of a beautiful house near orange groves with plenty of room for our family to grow.  I want Netflix, and a Target within 20 minutes of the house.  I want to be able to pick up dinner on the way home.  I can have a corgi like the one in all the blogs I follow online.  We can take pictures of them and Photoshop foam weapons into their little paws and make them run, their little stumpy legs bounding.  I can schlep groceries in my little green fiat.  I can start with not killing tomatoes, or something, and work my way up to a whole garden.  I can remember how much a loathe to quilt.

We made an offer on a house in Redlands.  The house is a block from the university on a cul-de-sac and the yard is big and weedy.  There is a vast and beautiful orange grove just three blocks away.  The house is also big at 1700 square feet.  I will have 3 toilets to pee in, if I want to.  The kitchen is HUGE.  It’s wonderful; everything I ever wanted and never thought I would get.  But here I am, the champion of enough and no more, jumping on the biggest house I can afford.  That surprised me.  It made me realize (again) that the stories I tell myself about who I am are often bunk.

But there is something about that house (that cozy, cozy house) that makes me want to cuddle up in front of the fireplace on a rainy day, and live the Tiny House Brand, semi-rural life with plenty of elbow room to spare.  Brian has already drawn up plans for our vegetable garden.  If everything goes through as it’s supposed to, I expect to be a very happy debt ridden lady.

Cross your fingers for us, okay?  We still have a lot of inspections and negotiations to go through.

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The Sea

Originally part of a collection of short stories, A Blatantly False History of the World, But Mostly America.

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“Make your way to the sea,” He said. “There, we can hire ships to take us back to our homelands.” He whispered it to us in the darkness, when we had stopped toiling in the streets and in the house, serving the Romans for the day. We returned to our hovels under their vast, gilded courtyards and listened to His breath in our sleep. We dreamed.  In our dreams walked the Gods of our homelands, of the green country of our birth. We listened to His words, seeping into the heart of us, and remembered.

There were houses in the north, dug into the ground for warmth during the harsh winters. Thatch stood up from the earth like tiny hills. Snow covered the ground as the seasons turned, and those living there would press together to share heat. It was companionable, looking out the door as the snow swirled, knowing that it could not take your life as long as you were with these others. We told stories there in the cold; of the magic of the moon and the restlessness of the dead.  And then the Romans came, and there were no others, but only strangers.

Not all of us listened to His voice in the darkness. Not all of us felt His words pierce our ears with longing. Some of us were snatched from our homelands so long ago that the white marble of Rome was the only place we knew. It was tempting to stay, to try for the chance to become free again, given the ultimate gift for loyalty. But that kind of freedom was at the whim of the master. The kind He was whispering to us was something we didn’t have to rely on others to provide. It was something we would gain for ourselves. And so we left with Him. At first, we were just a small band of rebels on the outskirts of the town, living in the green hills peopled with boulders. They left us alone, and like bread dough, we rose. By the time our edges seeped from the hills, we were too big and scattered for them to bother with. This is what He told us.

He told us that the sea would be our life. If we could only get to the southern shore, we could pay the Cossacks to take us to freedom. They were no friend to the Romans, and they would help us. For enough money, they would do as we asked. This is what He told us.

The hills were very green, deep and lush. Small white flowers grew in patches, even up to the heels of the boulders. We hoisted our swords and watched them shine in the sunlight, new on the horizon. It had been ages since we felt the ungiving haft of steel, cold in our palms. We walked toward the sea. We felt the blades of grass brush our toes inside our sandals, scattering dew between our toes. We felt the rough cloth blow across our shoulders as we walked across the land. The sky was vivid blue and it stretched for days and into the future.

The hills changed. They became fields of wheat as we walked, golden to the horizon. Trees broke the line of waving grass in clumps. Sometimes, a cypress pointed to the sun above us as we strode by its shedding trunk. Once, we walked by a farm house. It was abandoned in the red sunlight, but a little dog barked in the distance. Some wanted to catch the dog; to taste the savor of dripping meat. Wheat is not always the best for a marching stomach. He convinced them we didn’t have the time.

We must always press forward toward the ocean. It is salt like our tears. It is salt like the sweat we shed for the comfort of the Roman masters, or for the life of our family in another existence far away. The ocean shall be our savior, and it shall return us to those we love.

The wheat became hills again, like a song that repeats itself. The trees stayed, to shelter the boulders and the little white flowers beneath. A hawk wheeled above our heads, dark checkered wings on the blue sky, blocking the sun as it flew past. It dipped to the green grass and pulled a mouse from the earth, tail twirling as it rose to the sky.

He said we were getting close. We wondered if the hawk could see it, so much farther could it see from its height. We remembered the ocean being vast and terrible. Sometimes it was a deep, swallowing, glassy blue. It was calm and deceptive when it looked like that, biding its time and lulling its prey into a false trust. It was black when it raged, froth shuddering over the timber frame of the ship. This is how it turned, mild to murderer in a swoop of cloud, a weeping of the heavens.

We were not at the end of the song. The ground changed again, and we could hear the rushing of the sea in our dreams from where we slept. It whispered to us in the darkness a faint crash-hush. Vast beaches spread sand before us, tan and glistening in the sunlight. The ocean was aggressive only in the way it beat its fists across the shore as we beat our fists against our masters. Gulls flew above, riding the wind in clumps. The wet breeze clung to our clothes and skin, making even our hair feel sticky with salt. We licked the brine from our lips and felt the spring stirring in our bones, the great rebirth.

Three days, we camped by the ocean. Three days, the wind blew salt into our being. On the third day, a messenger came.  It was not a good omen. A rumor went around the camp. The Romans were not happy they had no one to wait at their table. We were pinned on the coast now, nowhere to escape. The army of Rome, glistening gold helmets, red manes dripping from the gold like entrails; the army of Rome was on the march. No Cossacks would come to our rescue and give us passage across the sea to our homeland. Rome had paid them not to.

He was the first to flee, our fearless leader, the one who whispered no longer. He would go back to the hillsides, to the cave we had lived in before, He said. It would just be temporary until we could try again. We scattered to the winds. But like a blown dandelion, there is a center that is not subject to the will of breath. I am that center.

There are a handful that join me; those with ballast. Sleeping by the sea made me remember many things, and this is the tale I remembered most.

It is terrible to perish at sea not because of death. Those that fall into the foamy waves do not die. The God of The Sea is too greedy for that. Whole ships are swallowed by the blackness, and they sail beneath the waves. Seafarers make weedy sails from kelp, and skim the depths for eternity. The eyes painted on the side of their ship shine like the sun in the darkness. The God of The Sea is waiting until they are enough. When he has an army, he will send them against the God of The Land, and he will be the God of Everything. Until then, they decompose in the deep.

And with that memory, fresh and clean, came another from my childhood. They had married in my mind while I worked in this land, and while I walked across it. It was of my grandmother.

She smelled of mint as she bent over me and kissed me goodnight. “I have had a premonition of you, Geric,” she told me. “It was not good. It was full of water and darkness, and you were far from home. I will tell you a story tonight and some day you will need it. You will forget this moment until you need it, but store it away for the time when winter becomes spring. It is important.”

She told me of the Sea God, and also of how the dead cannot always die. “You can turn them to your will, if you are strong enough. You can turn them to your will for a little while, and for longer if they like your cause and agree to help you.”

This was the way: I needed a bone, even from an animal, but a real bone it must be; something that was part of the living but was now stripped of muscle and sinew, of everything that made it what it was. There was a rune to carve into the shaft of the bone. It must be exact, not a twirl or hatch out of place. If the bone was perfect, and the rune was perfect, the spell could take place. Take land from where the heels of the fallen walked. Mingle it with the living saliva from your body. Say the name of the rune out loud. Shout the name to the stars, and if they bless the bone with their light they have blessed you with control. As long as you wear the bone, you will be safe. As long as you wear the bone, you can command them. They will listen for a time before the sound of eternity echoes again in their ears and they will leave you.

It would be hard to do by the sea. The men I wanted to call did not walk upon the ground, and so I could not mingle my spit with the earth. The rune was a vague memory in my mind. The smell of mint echoed through the ages. I would remember, I whispered to my grandmother in the dark. I will remember like you told me to. There were a dozen or so like me who had not given up, who were still camping by the sea. For my homeland and their homeland, I wanted to try. I could not bear to go back and give up, of another day living in the hills and waiting to rise. I could not bear the thought of crucifixion if the Roman army found me here.

I did as my grandmother told me. Instead of earth, I mixed my saliva with the sea. When the moon was high overhead, I lifted the bone. I screamed the name of the rune to the sky. The other slaves, the few of them who were left, clustered at my feet and they, too, screamed the word to the sky. The ocean crashed between my words, and their words met mine.  I told the stars my anguish and ordered the bone to live. As I screamed, a bolt of light came from the sky. It burned the flesh off my fingers, and made the rune shine. The blood from my open wounds dripped into the sand at my feet.

It was cold the next morning, and a gray fog obscured the horizon. Drops fell on the sand, making divots in the dirt, pattering around me. The others stirred in their sleep.  I went to the ocean and the others followed me. The lips of foam pounded across my knees. I took hands with the others. I held the bone aloft, as I had last night. I held it out to the sea, to the gray sky, to the blue depths.

“I need to get home,” I yelled into the rain. The mist swallowed the sound. I waited. The surf seethed in and out. The rain pelted across my shoulders, growing with intensity.  I was drenched, dripping.

The ocean began to churn, out where the sea met the fog. It turned black, and a whirlpool formed from the chaos, whipping and turning in the deep. I could feel it from the shore, pulling my legs toward it, just as the earth pulled my feet to its own breast.

A flurry of weeds flew from the whirlpool.  A mast emerged. With a sucking sound and a pop that shook the horizon, a black ship rose from the depths. The hull was covered with barnacles and slime. In some places it was black as pitch, glossy and slick. In others it was a furry green. Tendrils of seaweed dripped from the deck. The painted eyes on the side of the bow gleamed white, new as the day the ship was christened. Seaweed trailed from the masts. As we watched, a group of things, brown and upright, tossed a small boat overboard. They rowed for the shore. They came to bring me home. I stood together with the others on the shore, lined up shoulder to shoulder, and felt the waves crash over my sandals.

My hand throbbed with pain where the lightning left it raw. Tears dripped over my face as I watched the small boat row towards the shore. I thought of my grandmother, the smell of mint, the thatched huts of my homeland.

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Voces Novae!

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This is a VERY quick post just to say that today I’m a published writer!  My Senior Thesis – a 44 page research project on Deaf films made between 1913 and 1920 – was just published in Chapman’s online history journal, Voces Novae.  I basically argue that although the films were made to preserve Sign Language, they also inadvertently preserved Deaf Culture.  If you’re into that sort of thing, or just want to ogle my name a little, here’s the link: http://journals.chapman.edu/ojs/index.php/VocesNovae/issue/current.  I’M SUPER EXCITED ABOUT IT!!  (If you couldn’t already tell…)

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Some Thoughts about Amazon

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There has been a lot of talk in the news lately about the Hachette/Amazon/Warner Brothers controversy.  If you’re not up on all of it, this article explains it pretty well: http://recode.net/2014/06/11/codered-amazon-gives-warner-bros-the-hachette-treatment/.  I’ve heard all sorts of different opinions, some claiming that Amazon is a huge conglomerate with a monopoly, some claiming that Hachette, as one of the big five publishers, is a huge conglomerate who gyps writers.  I’d like to add a middle opinion.

The Amazon controversy reminds me of the grocery strike we had in California several years ago.  I don’t think that people need to worry too much about monopolies and access.  I mean, information is always good, I’m glad I know that Amazon is going to be a jerk about carrying those brands so I can start planning now where else I’ll buy them.  But I think Amazon might be doing itself a disservice.  I use Amazon all the time (especially fond of those Kindle daily deals), and it’s really easy to do so.  As of right now, they’re my first choice for buying things.  I sort of expect that to change in the near future, though, if Amazon isn’t carrying the things I want.

The grocery strike was probably ten years ago now.  During the strike, everything that wasn’t a Stater Brothers or a Trader Joe’s was rimmed by an annoying picket line.  The counters were staffed with scabs and the stores were poorly run by people who didn’t care.  I felt massive guilt every time I needed an emergency something and had to cross that picket line.  No matter how nonchalant the people with the signs were, I still felt like I was betraying something fundamental.  My experience inside the stores was also substandard.  Inside was an entire crew of new employees who didn’t understand, were overwhelmed, and couldn’t help me get what I need. So I took my business to Trader Joe’s and I learned that they carry everything from toothbrushes to milk.  It’s years later and I don’t shop much at the regular store anymore – and if I do it’s only because of my addiction to Dove shampoo.  Most of the stores that participated in the strike are out of business.

This is where the Amazon situation applies.  Hachette has some big names under its umbrella.  Warner Brothers has this year’s spring blockbuster with the Lego movie.  It’s not like people are going to just not buy J.K. Rowling’s newest book, not read Steven Colbert, or forgo owning their favorite movie.  It’s not going to happen.  What is going to happen is that people will go elsewhere to buy those things.  Like Indiebound.  Or Barnes and Noble.  Both are great options, and provide excellent service.

I know what you’re going to say. Hachette and Warner Brothers have a big pulpit from which to scream “unfair!” Smaller publishers who don’t have the fame and mouthpiece that the bigger companies do are undoubtedly being forced under Amazon’s thumb.  This is only the beginning of a bigger problem.  I would tell you that this is only true if people just decide that since Amazon doesn’t offer it, they won’t read it.  New avenues of buying books also come with new avenues of discovering books, from small publishers and big.

It feels good to buy books at Indiebound.  Like avoiding the stares from a picket line, like allowing a whole group of booklovers (not corporations) to benefit from my business.  The bonus of that is that these people care about good books and will recommend based on quality not based on who is conforming to the rules they set out arbitrarily.  If people find they’re loving it, Amazon may find that those customers don’t come back.

So what should you do?  Get the books you want wherever you can get them.  Try out booksellers that you haven’t tried before.  Don’t feel too guilty for purchasing that Kindle Daily Deal.  Most importantly: continue to read lots.

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