I’m officially in the second trimester and finding it easier. Kinda. I don’t know if it’s because my symptoms are better or because I’ve just learned to deal with them better. But the back problems are now a dull, hardly noticeable ache. The coughing keeps me awake less than the peeing every two hours (three if I’m REALLY lucky). I sometimes feel a few minutes of nausea in the morning, but I’ve stopped throwing up.
I’m still at that point where the baby doesn’t feel like he’s real, though. I’m showing now and looking more like I’m actually pregnant, I’ve put his latest ultrasound picture on my desk. None of it seems to matter. I know from my app that his eyes are formed (so he could see if his eyelids weren’t sealed), he can feel in his hands, feet, and face. He can taste. But he doesn’t start to hear for about another week. This means that I can only effect his world impersonally. There is no connection there beyond the biological one of food in, waste out, blood circulating. I can’t even feel him move.
I just had a birthday, and my family was insistent that they give me stuff for ME, not for the baby. They know me too well. I still got some baby stuff, though. Mostly because my mom’s staff is awesome and sent presents home with her. A lot of it was books, but there was a blue striped footie sleeper in the mix with a tiger on the stomach and two more on the toes. Adorable.
We don’t have a spot yet for the baby stuff. The nursery (which used to be the dump room) is still in clean-out mode. It’s getting closer every day, but the closet is still full and I need to steam clean the carpet and paint it all before I dare stack anything on the floor. It also used to house the cats’ litter boxes. This means that most things are collecting on the small table in the entry way. Stuffed animals, books, and even those footie pajamas.
I don’t know what it is about those pajamas, but they suddenly make things seem real. I walk in the door after work and smile at the tiger face. I leave the house, and the bright blue is the last thing I see before I close the door. There will be a baby in this house. He will live here. It’s no longer so theoretical.
I’m hoping it will get even less theoretical over the next few weeks when I know he can hear me, and he starts to move around. We’ll see.