I’ve been on a job search for a while now, filling out application after application and sending my (very impressive) resume out into the ether of the internet. It’s been complicated, because I’m not looking for just anything. I want the RIGHT thing at the RIGHT place. Lately, there’s been a lull in jobs I’m qualified for at the places I would kill to work. Instead of writing another cover letter, I’ve been preparing for interviews. It keeps me busy, and it makes me feel like I’m doing something.
It’s been seven years since I’ve looked for a job. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but among the top 100 interview questions are now some of the most asinine things I have ever seen in my life. I can’t believe these are among the top 100. I mean, really? Really? Here are some of my favorites:
How would you handle the war in Iraq? Isn’t it over already? Also, as I have neither military experience nor much information about Iraq as a whole, I would probably just hire someone else to handle it for me. Nothing like passing the buck. Or getting in an enraged political fight over the worth of George Bush in a job interview.
If you were an animal, which one would you want to be? I would want to be my cat Skippy so I could claw up all the furniture and share a psychic bond with my owner. He’s a Pisces.
Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball? Because no one is buying my fabulous new invention, the Tennis Ball Razor. Get 3 for just $9.95. But wait, there’s more!
What car do you drive? A jalopy named Buford. He burps gas, but he’s always gotten me where I need to go.
Tell me a joke you find funny. Did you hear about the Scottish drag queen? He wore pants.
What would you do if you were at a business lunch and the steak you ordered cooked rare was served well done? It is STEAK that I am NOT PAYING FOR!!! Who cares how it’s cooked, is there anything better than this? Well, maybe if there was bernaise…
What is your opinion of me and my interview skills? If these are the questions you’re asking, I think you’d prefer to skip this one…
Sell me this pencil. Sure!! That will be three dollars.
How would you weigh a plane without scales? The same way I’d weigh a scaly plane. (Ba-doom ching!)
How many times do a clock’s hands overlap in a day? Ooh! Ooh! I know this one, because I spend all day staring at the clock!
With your eyes closed, tell me step-by-step how to tie my shoes. I don’t know that I want to be working for a manager who can’t tie their shoes.
Yes, I do sort of get the purpose of questions like these. They’re designed to trip you up and assess skills you won’t necessarily show otherwise. I don’t know, though. I guess in a job interview I just expect to chat about the job, the qualifications, and decide if we all like each other enough to work together. No tricks, no games. I’m probably old fashioned.
Okay, I’m definitely old fashioned.