Before the actual blog entry, I just wanted to remind everyone that Blue Gentian is officially $0.99 as of yesterday. Go get ’em!
I have started a blog entry about ten times in the last two weeks, and always feel like it isn’t fancy enough. You know, not up to my regular standards of pretty language and interesting anecdotes. I almost scrapped this one, too. Most of my stories now involve small boys who say “EIEIO” to all questions, or losing a small shoe at the local diner. And the truth is that I don’t even have the energy to turn those things into something more interesting than they are.
I don’t know why this semester has felt so terribly draining. I wrote a paper last night that I’m very proud of, but it has never taken me 4 1/2 hours to write a five page paper since I was an undergrad. I feel like I’m probably losing my touch. The days when I used to regularly crank out seven papers a week are too far behind me to be helpful. (On second thought, maybe I should be glad about that…)
I’m also feeling demoralized about student teaching, and my lack of classroom management. I had a breakthrough realization, though, that procedures aren’t actually for the students. They are for me – so that I have a clear line on what is being done when and I don’t have to sit in class and think to myself “is that offense bad enough? But I haven’t warned them… Maybe I should just let it go? Or…? If it gets worse I’ll definitely address it. But how much worse…?” If I have a policy, I don’t have doubts.
See? Demoralization and exhaustion are not the fodder of a good blog entry. And the above is deceptive. Professionally I might be demoralized, but I spent a full half-hour yesterday throwing my son into a pile of pillows while he shrieked with glee, and unhappiness in the face of that is basically impossible. Not to mention, I am flying to the home of my forefathers next week. Maine, land of mosquitoes and white sand beaches, where everyone takes their ice cream VERY seriously, and it is possible to eat one’s weight in lobster and/or clam chowder. Which, believe it or not, is all secondary to how much I’m looking forward to seeing my dozens of cousins.
My cup has been poured out, but it’s getting filled soon. I really can’t wait.