This week has been a hard one, and I’m not even quite sure why except for the obvious. The things that are happening in this country make me sad and worried.
Social media isn’t making it any better. I keep waiting for the world to implode into WWIII or Civil War Part II, and my feed just confirms it all. Whatever it is you worry about, it’s right there happening. There are glimmers of hope of course, but not enough of them.
Couple that with my Jury Duty experience, and the world seems extra-bleak right now.
Yup, I had Jury Duty that started last Thursday and went through to today, my first time having to appear at the courthouse. I was placed on a trial almost immediately after arriving with 100 other jurors. about 40 were excused post-haste since the trial was supposed to last until mid-March and they had conflicts or their work wouldn’t pay that long. I found out yesterday that it was a double shooting murder charge. The defendant wasn’t trying to claim he didn’t shoot the guy, either. He was just claiming it was self-defense. I ultimately was excused after jury selection was finished – I wasn’t even questioned. That means I can talk about it.
It was an experience unlike anything else, and very interesting. The thing I keep thinking about is this:
The prosecutor kept asking the jury panel if they felt sympathy for the defendant, who was sitting right there. She pointed at him. He was young and might have been handsome if you could think of him as anything but a giant accusation, in a thick mans-man way. He had a buzzed haircut and deep bags under his eyes. He wore the same thing all 3 days of the trial, too – khaki pants and a khaki dress shirt, green tie. And I just kept thinking that the entire panel must have been lying whenever anyone coldly said “no” to her question.
Maybe I didn’t feel sympathy, exactly, but I felt compassion. This had to be one of the worst days of that guy’s life, and I think it’s maybe even needful that we acknowledge that he’s a human and so were the people who died before we set all that aside and make a cold determination of fault based only on laws and evidence.
It’s probably a good thing I wasn’t questioned…
But it all seems death and destruction right now, between murder and mayhem. It also seems impossible to pick things up and go to work tomorrow like normal, though I’m sure I’ll find comfort in the routine of it when it arrives. I would just like something to hope for, I think. Something that is entirely pure and gleeful, and not the lesser of two bad options.
I’ll just have to keep looking until I find it, I guess.
Casey E. Hamilton 